Learning to Live Again

It's been over 2 years since I've convened with my notebook in a meaningful way. I had forgot what a powerful tool it is; a place for self-examination, personal therapy, random thoughts, random-er doodles, incubating ideas, creative freedom, and non-judgement. It feels good to resume this relationship, notebook and I. Who knows what will come of it?

Man Carrying Sofa

By Tony Hoagland

Whatever happened to Cindy Morrison, that nice young lesbian?
I heard she moved to the city and got serious.
Traded in her work boots for high heels and a power suit.
Got a healthcare plan and an attorney girlfriend.

Myself, I don’t want to change.
It’s October and I’m still dating my checks July.
I don’t want to step through the doorway of the year.
I’m afraid of something falling off behind me.
I’m afraid my own past will start forgetting me.

Now the sunsets are like cranberry sauce
poured over the yellow hills, and yes,
that beauty is so strong it hurts –
it hurts because it isn’t personal.

But we look anyway, we sit upon our stoops
and stare, — fierce,
like we were tossing down a shot of vodka, straight,
and afterwards, we feel purified and sad and rather Russian.

When David was in town last week,
I made a big show to him of how unhappy I was
because I wanted him to go back and tell Susan
that I was suffering without her –

but then he left and I discovered
I really was miserable
– which made me feel better about myself –
because, after all, I don’t want to go through time untouched.

What a great journey this is,
this ordinary life of ants and sandwich wrappers,
of x-rated sunsets and drive-through funerals.

And this particular complex pain inside your chest;
this damaged longing
like a heavy piece of furniture inside you;
you carry it, it burdens you, it drags you down –
then you stop, and rest on top of it.

The Artist Who Wouldn't Give His Heart Away

Click image to view online booklet.

Preview: The Artist Who Wouldn't Give His Heart Away

3 Weeks Mulling
2 Days Drawing
2 Hours Coloring (yes, color!)
6 Hours Scanning & Cleaning Up
1 Day Left!

Yes tomorrow, if the print shop comes through, I'll have copies of my latest booklet, The Artist Who Wouldn't Give His Heart Away. At 15 pages it's not quite as long as its title, but there's a lot packed into this slim volume, and I believe it's my best entry into the silent-mini-book market to date! Yes, it won't be long now until the publishing world lies begging at my feet!! MWHAHA!

Ahem.

I'll be unveiling it tomorrow night at a Children's Illustration critique group I attend. I'm just hoping they'll overlook that the booklet is not intended for children (unless your children are into radical eco-socialist ideology, full frontal nudity, and obscure Woody Allen humor). After it's unveiling, I'll be presenting it to friends and family, and intend to post the whole thing online within a few weeks.

Sneak Peek at "Project X"

A few weeks ago, a little kernel of an idea came to me. As I explored the idea further it seemed like it could be developed into a fairly interesting story, one that has personal significance, yet hopefully others can find meaning in. So for the last couple weeks I've been doing character design and putting my creations in a variety of situations in hopes of getting to know them better. I've also been letting the amorphous story roll around in my head and sort itself out. Tonight I laid out the story page-by-page in rough thumbnail form. The process is unfolding and I'm happy with what I have so far. Hooray!

Here's a peak at some early conceptual art:

Insights into the Mind of a Child

This morning, through a series of chance coincidences, I found a lecture given by Dr. Andrea Marmor on the development of a child's mind. The topic is really fascinating and I think this video is a remarkable resource for anyone creating media for children.



Lately I've been pondering which age group I want to create for. Writing for a 6 year old is much different than writing for a 10 year old, and writing for a 14 year old is another ballgame altogether. While this may be obvious, it's a little harder to discern what these different age groups can comprehend and enjoy. This lecture really helps me begin answering some of these questions.

Children's book writers are allowed to cuss, right?

I was on my way to an a illustrator's critique group put on each month by a few guys from the Austin SCBWI. It would be my first time attending and I was excited. I got it my car, headed west down Ceasar Chavez, north up I-35, west on 38 1/2 Street, and BAM! Traffic at a standstill. "Must be construction," I thought as I cut my way down some side streets trying to find an alternate route. Detour signs littered the road. "Oh no! The Austin Marathon is on today!" I remembered, while cursing the chicken-legged men in their short shorts.

I spent a good 30 minutes trying to find a route to the critique group. I even went way north and tried to come down Lamar. No luck. The critique group was isolated, surrounded by a moat of runners.

"North Lamar... I don't get up here often," I mused. "Maybe I'll stop by Half Price Books." (the best used bookstore warehouse in the world, for you underprivileged non-Texans)

So that's what I did, and even though it wasn't my first choice, perhaps it was fate which brought me to cart away a pile of life changing books.

First up, The Complete Cartoons of the New Yorker. List, $60. HPB: $19. A huge book, weighing probably 15 pounds, it has every New Yorker cartoon published from 1925 to 2004. Many of the 68,000+ cartoons are actually printed in the book, the rest come on 2 CD's. Some of these cartoons are so brilliant they give me shivers. I guess I'm weird that way.

These two were published in 1937.

And since graphic novels seem to be all the rage these days, I picked up a few titles from a great publisher called Top Shelf Productions. These aren't your superhero comics, folks. These are amazing feats of visual art - and literature too!

My favorite so far is Dear Julia, by Brian Biggs. It has breathtaking artwork and a fascinating, suspenseful story which plays out like a foreign film (and not one of those crappy, hard to understand foreign films). I highly recommend this book.

Another Top Shelf book I found was an autographed copy of James Kochalka's The Sketchbook Diaries. Basically it's just a daily journal in cartoon form. Most of the entries I find pretty boring, the funny part is: I can't stop reading it!

The drawings are so simple and the situations so mundane, it actually inspired me to start a cartoon journal myself! I'm no Indiana Jones, but my life feels a heck of a lot more exciting than his!

And then today, I was walking near the river/nature area near my house, when I was struck with an idea for a middle grade chapter book (I blame Because of Winn-Dixie!). It was crazy, everything just came to me at once! Plot, characters, settings, everything! And while I suspect it's natural for a writer to fall in love with his own ideas, I really believe I have an objectively good book idea on my hands!

Cartoons, graphics novels, picture books, chapter books, short stories, long stories, dumb stories, smart stories.

I could go in any number of directions, but I still don't know what the fuck it is I'm doing.

SCBWI Conference, Part II - Summary of Plot & Characters

When I was a child, we moved around a lot. I'm not sure how many schools I've been to, but I'm certain we never stayed in one place more than 2 or 3 years. As a naturally shy child, it was difficult being "the new kid." Often times I'd find myself dreamily wandering a grove of trees on the outskirts of the schoolyard.

My first SBCWI conference brought back those same emotions each "new kid" feels. The moment I walked in the door, it felt like everyone else knew each other and was comfortable in their environment, while I knew nobody and just prayed it wasn't too obvious how I wanted to jump out of my skin! In a situation like this, Child Dallion would have clammed up and imitated wallpaper. Adult Dallion dove right in.

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So I arrive at 7am, grab a plate of breakfast, and go to find a seat. Empty tables are plentiful. No Dallion! You're here to network, goddamn it! Oh yeah. I choose a busy spot at random and ask if the seat is taken. Luckily it's not and I'm able to sit with some seemingly friendly women. Some introductions ensue and it becomes obvious the people here don't bite. What a relief! I'm becoming more relaxed.

Breakfast ends quickly and we congregate in the assembly room. The first speaker: Mark McVeigh - editor turned agent. His talk is entitled: The Publishing World, the Economy, and You: Staying True to Your Muse During Tough Times in the Industry. Luckily, he only touches on Greek Mythology briefly. I love mythology as much as the next artist, but we came to this conference to get The Dirt, and Mark expertly dishes it out. He tells us that the industry is in transition. The advent of the Kindle and e-books is transforming the publishing world and current business models. He tells us it is a chaotic time. The Staff at many Publishing Houses are being changed and many experienced editors have been let go (including Mr. McVeigh, himself). Change is coming! Change is coming!! And change is frightening - but Mark tempers his message with humor and assures us: where there is trouble, there is also opportunity.

Many speakers follow throughout the day, including Cheryl Klein (editor extraordinaire), Andrea Cascardi & Nathan Bransford (agents who educate on how to find and work with agents), and Kirby Larson, Jacqueline Kelly, & Liz Garton Scanlon (ALA honored writers, giving us the inside scoop on the writing/getting published process).

There's so much information, by the time lunch rolls around my head is swimming. As one of the last people to get a plate of food, I discover seats at tables are now much harder to come by. I scan the room and see 3 open spots. With limited options, I choose to sit next to a guy with a neon green tie. As good fortune would have it, I've inadvertently sit next to Sibert Honor Author Chris Barton! We chat about his book, The Day Glo Brothers, and about his future projects (which sound incredible). He asks me questions about myself and seems genuinely interested in the answers. Chris strikes me as a swell guy, and as he gets up to leave, promises he'll check out my work on the Illustrator's tables. Then, I turn to my immediate left and find I'm sitting next to Philip Yates, picture-book author of The Ten Little Mummies and A Pirate's Night Before Christmas! We get along well and I ask if one day he'd critique my future picture-book manuscripts. He says yes and gives me his email address. This networking thing is easy!

The highlight of my day finally arrives: presentations by two time Caldecott Honor Illustrator, Marla Frazee. Coming up with the perfect illustration to "dance with the words" is certainly no easy task, but Marla does a marvelous job illuminating her working process, and challenges us illustrators to "always mine the scene for emotion." Her powerpoint presentation shows us the staggering amount of drafts and revisions it takes before the final artwork is achieved. She even shows us a photograph of a three-dimensional model house she constructed -- just so she would know the environment in which her characters lived! The amount of thought she puts into each project is unbelievable. Ms. Frazee is a living testament for us illustrators: success doesn't come easy, but if you put in your work it can come.

After an amazing Q&A panel and book signing extravaganza, the day is finally done and I'm exhausted! I stumble to the Illustrator's tables to pack up my stuff. Just then, an elderly woman approaches and asks if I would help jump-start her car. With the amount of good fortune I've had today, I quickly agree. As we stroll into the winter parking lot she thanks me again and says that this kindness will earn stars for my crown. The phrase makes me smile. Not necessary, I tell her - I'll gladly do it anyway. But she insists and I don't press the issue.

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So that sums it up. I'd like to thank all the people with the Austin SCBWI who volunteered their time and made this event such a huge success! I'd also like to congratulate Debbie Gonzales for her position as the new Regional Advisor, and incoming Illustrator Chair (and friend) Mark Mitchell, who has guided me along this path. I look forward to seeing many of you at future events.

Breakfast with Austin SCBWI Crew
Foreground: Marla Frazee (peach colored shirt & necklace)
Midground: Moi! (burgundy sweater)
Background: Mark McVeigh (bald dude in suit, standing near door) speaking with fellow illustrators Erik Kuntz and Don Tate.
(Photo courtesy Mark Mitchell)

Dallion's Big Day!

The annual Austin SCBWI regional conference is only days away, and I'll be there.

For those unaware, that awkward acronym stands for the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, a powerful international organization capable of making Kings of mere men (or ruthlessly crushing them underfoot).

Gulp.

This is my first foray into the world of professional authors and artists, but fear not! Thanks to my cleverly concealed flask of scotch, this Saturday I'll be confidently stumbling my way through masses of publishers, agents, authors, and illustrators (and hopefully learning a few tricks along the way).

And what a group we got! Only a week ago the American Library Association announced its 2010 Awards (which includes the eminently prestigious Caldecott and Newberry Awards - these are the Oscars of Children's Literature, folks!), and turns out, resident Austinites won more than our fair share of honors, PLUS these people will be in attendance and speaking at the conference! Exciting stuff indeed. My former Children's Book Illustration teacher sums it up wonderfully on his blog.

Am I nervous about the conference? A little. But really there's nothing to lose. I suspect it may be high stakes for some authors and illustrators who will be bringing manuscripts and portfolios, looking for contracts. While I too will be bringing some of my work, I have nothing to show to publishers, nor am I looking for an agent at this time. Basically I'm not there to sell myself. I'm there to learn and meet some interesting people. I'm still a student!

And what a curriculum!

Finding Time, Revisited

The last post was an exercise in creative writing and ranting. The reality is: it's unfair to blame others, or even my job, for what I perceive as a lack of time to pursue art & writing.

Every artist who earns a living from their work understands it requires immense effort and dedication. It's one thing to have a job where you know what's expected of you and have a boss who makes sure you do it. Working for yourself is another thing entirely, and I'm slowly learning that if you don't have a very high level of self-discipline, your chance for success is nil.

Taking an objective (as possible) look at my current circumstance reveals how I respect the boss at my day job more than I respect my "inner boss". At my day job, I take care to arrive on time, dressed properly, ready to work. How often do I bring that kind of attitude to my personal work? Rarely. Too often, the activities of the day have drained my energy and I'm content to sit back and watch the Daily Show or mindlessly surf the internet.

For a while now I've begun to suspect that I need to dedicate a portion of my day to creative activities -- and not just any portion, but the beginning of the day, before other activities and inner guilt crush opportunity for creative discovery. This new year, 2010, will be the start of this change. A night-owl by nature, I've painfully begun to rearrange my sleeping schedule so that I may rise by dawn, take Brutus for a walk, pour a glass of orange juice, and begin work. So far this schedule has been met with jihadist-strength resistance and sordid success. Yet I believe with persistence this practice will prevail, and once it becomes routine, has the potential to absolutely transform my life.